Some time ago, at the beginning of the year, I started this blog. Now, that could have been months ago. Or at least that is how it feels. The glitter of Christmas and New Year was packed back up the loft with the Christmas tree, a new term started, and with it the regular to-ing and fro-ing. In and amongst this the general ebulliance of my project seemed to die down.
The year has gathered pace in a whirl and a spin and I wonder how many New Year’s resolutions have evaporated? I have never really been into resolutions, mainly because there hasn’t been anything I’ve cared enough about to change. I don’t want to lose weight, I don’t smoke, I should exercise more but just looking at a Gym makes me break into a cold sweat, and I don’t think finding a forum where I can demonstrate my lack of rhythm, spatial awareness and fitness all at the same time would do much for my self-esteem.
I am, however, a nail biter. For years this has been resolution #1. It feels festive to have a resolution and this fail-safe, as in I always fail so it is a safe bet I will attempt the same thing the following year…at least for the first four days of January, trips off the tongue. Why doesn’t it work? Because it doesn’t bother me enough. I have made the occasional foray into stick on french manicure-style nails for special occasions, and I do quite like the overall effect…but not enough to grow my own. I don’t like having hands that look like amuse-gueules platters for rats but conquering this habit isn’t going to enrich my life. Instead, I have accepted that my hands are better suited to a gardener – one that digs with their bare hands – and that my determination is better directed to something that will make me feel good about myself on the inside.
I am now a firm believer that this is what resolutions should be for. They shouldn’t be about highlighting weaknesses and undermining your sense of self; they should be about bringing something positive and beneficial with the possibility of personal discovery. It gives us the chance to be introspective. It gives us the chance to see what we are lacking and what we can do about it, taking stock of what we may not have liked in the previous year and to make ourselves the promise that this year will be different. We make so many promises to others, we deserve to make at least one promise to ourselves.
New Year does seem like the right time for renewal. It gives us the chance of hope and rebirth long before Spring comes along. I don’t know what it is, New Year just seems to have a magical zing. It was this that spurred me on to start this blog and rekindle an old passion. So here I am one month in. I am still reading but the going is slow. If anything this challenge will teach me how to make the most of my available time. I have already learned that I dither and dawdle and that perhaps I don’t enjoy anything quite so much as I enjoy day-dreaming. I will be doing my utmost to get my mission back on track, though. I feel I owe it to myself to not give up on this challenge. I can swing it round with a few skinny reads: a good plan considering the Stieg Larsson Trilogy I ordered has arrived and not one of them is less than 500 pages. But I can’t wait. This year I will embrace my resolution whole-heartedly because I deserve it. And another thing is for sure: if i’m reading well, my nails don’t stand a chance.